In the helping professions such as doctors, nurses, pharmacists, psychologists, social workers, and caregivers, so much energy is devoted to assisting others that self-care is often neglected. This can lead to “quick fix” coping mechanisms to squeeze a few drops of fuel into a tank that is running on empty, writes industrial psychologist Taegan Devar – managing director of organisational development company PeopleSmart 

These mechanisms are often Band Aids at best, a quick massage or a Netflix binge, or turning to destructive things like alcohol or nicotine. Unhealthy coping behaviours are often justified by healthcare professionals on the basis that they need a break from the stress of their work.  

Of course, they do need and indeed deserve a break. But the menu of coping mechanisms that the media and boarder society serve up for people to choose from, is not providing the deep and thorough refuel that they so desperately need. In fact, it is often making matters worse as they battle addictions and resulting poor health. 

OUR GO-TO COPING MECHANISMS 

I recently spoke with a friend who was navigating multiple stressors: Family responsibilities with young children, studying, work demands, and debt. She mentioned wanting to have a drink, a common stress response in SA – a country with one of the highest rates of binge drinking in the world. 

Although we both knew drinking wouldn’t solve her problems, that it would numb both good and bad feelings, make her feel worse in the morning and not change her reality, it still seemed like a tempting option. 

OUR COPING PATTERNS ARE HARMING US 

This pattern is prevalent. I see it when I walk on the beach and encounter midweek car boot parties with adults trying to escape their daily worries. It’s evident over pay-day weekends when bars and restaurants are buzzing. In my wellness work, I hear stories of addiction: Gambling including on-line sports betting, unhealthy eating, alcohol abuse, compulsive shopping, pornography, and prescription medication misuse. One woman casually mentioned taking an allergy pill daily after work to unwind. 

These behaviours harm us and our loved ones, by leading to health issues, debt, disengagement, anger, poor relationships, isolation, blame, shame, scarcity, and fear. 

WHERE DO OUR COPING MECHANISMS COME FROM? 

To understand our coping mechanisms better, we can reflect on what coping behaviours significant others in our lives – parents/caregivers, friends and family - modelled to us when they were facing challenges. Did they discuss difficulties openly and with love and care? Did they get angry or even violent? Did they turn to substances or other destructive behaviours? Did they simply avoid the situation, or change the subject?  

You have likely adopted similar physical coping mechanisms to the ones you saw when you were growing up.  

Or you may have found equally destructive psychological alternatives. This can be seen in people who have experienced the trauma of growing up with parent/s who gambled compulsively. In adulthood they carry great shame around the issue of money, and they go into a kind of paralysis to self-protect. Money is not discussed and if it is, the path of least resistance is taken to get the matter dealt with as quickly as possible. This often leads to people devaluing their personal financial worth and of course, debt. 

HOW CAN WE UNDERSTAND AND CHANGE OUR COPING PATTERNS? 

• Identify your coping tendencies: When facing a tough situation, what are the coping mechanisms you instinctively go to? Put another way, what do you numb the pain with? These urges can be key red flags during times of high stress, grief, or loss. 
• Ask for help: The biggest barrier to getting help is asking for it. For helping professionals, this can be particularly challenging as they are used to being the helpers and may view seeking help negatively. Professional support can help you understand your stress responses, identify destructive coping behaviours, and find healthier ways to deal with stress. 
• Learn healthy ways of framing and dealing with stress: Stress and challenges are inevitable. How we perceive them – whether as fixed, unavoidable obstacles, or opportunities for growth – is crucial. Learning healthy coping strategies, such as going for therapy, exercise, proper nutrition, meditation, medication when necessary, spirituality, and seeking support from others, can help us live more fulfilled and resilient lives.